Electronic Shifting

It is maddening to me that this even needs to be discussed. I was waiting in a checkout line at a bike shop one time, and the guy in front of me was having his bike worked on. The lady behind the counter told him “Sorry, we can’t fix your derailleur, it needs a software update.”

My world was shattered. My eyes locked open wide. My mind reduced to a fleshy soup. Deep in my gut I could feel a primal urge bubbling up, slowly getting louder, screaming at me.

A software update. For a bike. An ACOUSTIC bike. Shimano and Sram had committed a sin so grave not even Jesus himself could absolve them it.

I need people to fucking explain this one to me. Shifting on a bike is not hard. I’m sorry, but it’s not. Indexed shifters are fucking dead simple to understand. I click one button, I shift up. I click another, I shift down. Is that hard? Are you finding this difficult? Apparently some people think this needs to be easier. By adding in a battery, some pistons, some micro-controllers, and some bluetooth, you can now shift without any wires connecting the shifter and the shiftee. The benefits? Oh the buttons take less pressure to push cause they are just simple buttons. And the front derailleur auto trims. Oh and you don’t have to do internal routing bullshit anymore cause no wires.

That’s cool, not revolutionary but cool. Any downsides? Oh yeah I’m glad you asked so now that you have a wireless bike yoUR FUCKING DERAILLEUR NEEDS TO BE CHARGED AND CAN RUN OUT OF FUCKING BATTERIES. OH AND GUESS WHAT? GUESS FUCKING WHAT? THEY COST 3-5 HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS. AND THEY DON’T EVEN COME WITH THE FUCKING BATTERY. OR THE FUCKING SHIFTER. GET FUCKED IDIOT.

Calm down Ryan, calm down. Sorry, primal urges bubbling up again.

These things don’t use the same batteries. Ever used a derailleur from 50 years ago and noticed it works just fine? If these e-abominations keep getting software updates and non-third party battery replacements after even 10 years I’ll eat my fucking shorts.

And yeah, they apparently shift better. I have been told by quite a few people that the experience is “buttery”. Like shifting in an internal gear hub except you can shift under load. Cool bud. As stated up at the top, shifting was already easy, worked great, and didn’t need to be PAIRED WITH A PROPRIETARY APP ON YOU PHONE TO ADJUST THE ALIGNMENT. I don’t care how fucking nice they shift, my shifting was already great. This is a solution in search of a problem that introduces SIGNIFICANTLY more problems. I’ll go fucking single speed if I need to, I’m never putting one of this fucking abominations on my bike.