Kickstands

You had a good thing, and you all fucked it up didn’t you? The kickstand plate could have solved all of our problems but noooooo. You had to go and convince the whole fucking world that kickstands are for nerds or something. I’m sorry, I forgot we all hated convenience. I forgot that making our lives better was a bad thing. You’re right. I will learn to enjoy awkwardly leaning my bike on things whenever I need to do something. Or just laying that sonuva bitch down in the grass. Why not.

Is it really about the 1 pound that a kickstand adds to the bike? Is it? Is it really? Is that why so few bikes come with a kickstand plate? For that 1 pound? Are we being fucking serious?

How do you fuckers keep falling for this? How do you keep letting the industry get away with making products LESS convenient and then glazing them for it for no reason? I am surrounded by apes. By fucking dipshits without full formed conscious thought.

Anyway, here’s a photo a popular replacement for having a kickstand on your bike:

Its a foldable stick with rubber ends that folds up and fits in your bag. And look, it even comes in different colors.

How is this more convenient than simply kicking out your kickstand? It isn’t. In fact its a whole fucking thing to get this thing to balance right. It is somehow LESS convenient that just leaning the bike against a tree. True innovation. Oh and it costs $50. A stick costs $50.

Monkeys. Fucking troglodytes, all of you.